The Amazing Adventures of the Girl-Who-For-Plot-Reasons-Won't-Die
by 12tailedninja-demon
Summary: A parody one shot of the Akatsuki being sent to the real world and living with a girl. You know how that usually goes.


A/N: Here is my parody one-shot for the often used plot of Akatsuki coming to our world. Hope you find it entertaining.

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The Mary Su-Ahem, the Raven haired girl, damn, can we just write a paragraph on how silky and amazing her hair is. Introduces a pretentious paragraph on how the girl is just your plain average joey type girl. Oh no! No! See, she has a pitiful chest! Oh gawd, and is that a pimple? No, over there, near her chin? Gosh, see how average she is?

Yeah, just your average only slightly insane girl here. Seriously.

Oh, yeah, she has a Japanese name. And because we have no good reason not to, she speaks a bazillion languages. She's also very inspired by Naruto, she wears a Jashin necklace and secretly wishes that she could sacrifice people. I hope we aren't being too obvious with whom she's gonna have the hawts for.

It's Itachi, you sick fucks. Itachi always gets the girl. That or Deidara, or Hidan, or Sasori, or… well fuck.

* * *

"OMGEEEEEE!" Akami screeches. "The akatsuki are somehow in ma home?! Wanna be besties?!" She looks over at Tobi, knowing that he's the real leader, and could give less of a fuck about small things like surviving or sanity. She proceeds to glomp the fully grown man. The fact that she's obviously 15 living in a mansion alone, straddling a grown man is dismissed.

And Tobi, not at all being the same one that killed off entire clans with Bloodline limits, allows her to do so. Why? Cuz fuck you, that's why.

"Tobi is a good boy!" He hopes that he can be best friends with her too. How adorable, right? Am I selling his innocence enough? No? "Deidara-sempai!" He shouts, "Group hug?" He gestures. Cutely. Very cutely.

Intent on keeping his bad boy image, even at the cost of being illogical, Deidara shouts "Katsu!" Tobi go bye bye.

Despite doing nothing but screeching and providing god awful knowledge on the new world to this puppy kicking organization, Pein-sama makes a decision.

"Yeah, we're on the Moon!" Akami shouts in the background. The Akatsuki are bewildered by this new world they're on. They would be so lost on what to do, god forbid they use their skills on infiltration and information gathering, among other things, like logical rational thinking.

Pein-sama nodded his head sagely. "Yes, the girl has use for us. You may not kill her." And the Akatsuki that killed dozens and betrayed their villages nodded at the obvious and wise decision to trust a civilian beauty. Seriously, they love being screeched at. And bossed around by a horny seriously deranged girl.

"Fuck yeah." Hidan assented.

Konan's squeals in the background could be heard for miles. 'Oh, pain-sama.'

Itachi squinted at his one lined script. Damn, his eyes were too fucked up for this. "Hn." He repeats, hoping for the best. He takes the fact that the author allows him to continue his existence as a sign.

Deidara looks around at the huge mansion. "Don't you have parents?" He asks confused. The author rages in the background for the logical behavior that has escaped them.

"Parents?" Akami looks over at him. She thinks back to her first human sacrifices. "What parents?" She asks cheerfully.

* * *

Later on

Pein-sama looked over at the girl who was cooking and doing domestic things. The Akatsuki think, 'Yes, she's very useful, god forbid we do simple things like cook.' The girl screeches as she drops the pan of boiling water. Pein nods satisfied, 'so that's what I've been missing in my life.' He thinks.

A butler appears from the hallway and thinking nothing about a group of men being around his young charge, asks, "Would you like help, ma'am?"

The Akatsuki prepare to kill the man, as he's obviously less useful than the girl, but then remember that they are neutered killers that are only there for the sake of some silly good old rapey romance with some traditional competition amongst one another for the trophy. And in Tobi's case, friendships and rainbows. Maybe some unicorns if the author is willing.

Akami turns around with a pan in her hand, "Leave! I must be useful!"

The Akatsuki are beholden by her saucy attitude.

Before we move forward, Hidan if you will?

" %*%$&*$)(*%*&)%^(*$^()&# #$^$^%*(*&)(*&^$!#&^%#!# !$%% #&^!?" Hidan offers his reassuring opinions.

Thank god he remembers one of the reasons why the fanfic is rated T. Lord knows that this is only rated T because of Hidan's potty mouth and not the rapey romance we all know you came here looking for.

* * *

Finito.


End file.
